cost control was going out to dinner but they didn't invite me. to make matters worse, guo was on the invitation list. we all the took the medium bus (except for guo, who opted for the large bus, so as to not make it so obvious they were all going out to dinner together minus me), i said nothing, stewing in my inner turmoil. i was going home to hang out with sunmeng, not a bad second option, but i was still angry and hurt. i realized a while back that i'm not a member of their department, but it's still painful when they all go out to dinner and don't invite me. the whole time XL was her chirpy self, which started to make me hate her. and LXL was there too, didn't say a word. to think, earlier in the week i actually thought about treating them to hot pot! seeing them all together at the restaurant on tuesday was awful, especially seeing LXL there. it seemed she didn't have time for my invitation, but came back just in time to eat with her contract department and guo. and i love the way guo smirks at me now every time he sees me, like once again he's bested me, taking away another girl i like.

i played a trick on them when i got off the bus. since i sat in the front, they just assumed i would get off the bus first. but when i didn't do anything, it confused them, and there was a few awkward seconds when everyone just sat on the bus. "get off the bus," XL said to me as she passed by. i followed them. they all waited around. XL sort of ignored me, there was plenty of awkwardness. i finally spared them by making my way to the supermarket.

i actually don't care what the contract department does. i just want to hang out with XL and LXL. but if i had any sort of friendly feeling towards them, they've been replaced with hatred at this point. when i leave for chengdu after the project is over, i'm not going to contact LXL. and i'm not going to say good bye to XL either. as far as i'm concerned, they're dead to me at this point. it serves me right to depend on chinese people to actually be empathetic and decent for a change.

all this happened on the day when the company officially gave me my 30-day notice of contract termination. i felt sad and this just made it worse. even hanging out with sunmeng, i had a good time but every once in a while my mind would drift to this latest hurt.