i was in a bad mood this morning and i did nothing to hide it. it's kind of childish, but i was hoping somebody would take notice and at the very least ask me what was wrong. fishing for sympathy is what it's called. but know what? either nobody noticed, or nobody cared. which made my depression even worse.

i couldn't even wait for the bus with everyone else, settling instead to wait at the far end of the street. when the medium-sized bus arrived, i hopped on, only giving fengya and guo a nod and a wave. this after i've been sitting next to FY on the bus every morning for the past 2 weeks. certainly she must know something's wrong? but when we all arrived at the office, nobody said anything.

i never turned on my QQ chat, continuing with my taciturn state of mind. on a normal day, FY and i would be chatting online in between bouts of work, but not today. today i didn't want to speak with anyone; i just buried my head in paperwork.

what made me so miserable? it was a combination of factors. from the long work hours, to the disgusting cafeteria food, to the lack of any real friends here, to the fact that i've been out of the country for almost 3 months now, i just felt like i had enough of this stupid china.

on the day i decide to give everyone the silent treatment is also the day FY decided to wear her heels to work. normally she's quite the tomboy, except she comes to work with a girly handbag. every once in a while she'll get dressed up when the mood strikes her. although she wore what i like to call her "karate pants," she paired them with a pair of black one inch heels. i couldn't bothered to look at them, but i heard her clomping around the office. at the lunch line she was a bit taller because of the heels.

the office lunch made me decide to skip the office dinner.

i was about to go out for a post-lunch walk with FY and one of our coworkers, when i suddenly told them i had to get something from the office. "you don't need your id badge!" FY called out before i disappeared. i was getting my camera. i bumped into guo as he was on his way outside as well.

photography isn't allowed at the construction site, and it's probably not allowed in the office as well. but walk away from the work place? i figured they wouldn't object if i took a few snapshots.

i walked with FY on our way back. earlier i told her i wouldn't be eating dinner at the office. i then asked her if she was free this evening, that i wanted to find a place that served lamb broth. she said a coworker was treating guo and her to dinner because they treated her last time. they were going out for peking duck.

i was a little better after lunch, good enough to open my QQ. FY didn't chat with me, but i did chat with lihui the IT guy and yuwei my neighbor. i told her i was in a bad mood and she invited me out to dinner, rabbit hot pot. that was better than my original plan, which was to go for an empty stomach 3 mile run after work then return home and cook some ramen for dinner.

maybe the lack of my normally cheerful demeanor was having some effect on FY. she was pretty quiet for much of the day, mostly on the account that she had a lot of work to do. with just one hour left in the work day, i finally turned around and had a brief chat with her. it was mostly about her shoes, she made an effort to wear them, at the very least i should make some comments. i told her they look good, but she should just wear shoes that feel comfortable. i asked whether or not they hurt. she got them while in college for job interviews, but probably only worn them 3 times since, and wanted to try them again just for a one time deal.

i met yuwei at the rabbit hot pot place close to where we live. she took the liberty of ordering first since she arrived earlier than me. we had some rabbit drumsticks as an appetizer; they definitely look like rabbits, but because of the strong spicy flavor, i couldn't taste the gaminess. likewise with the hotpot. at times the meat tasted like chicken or maybe fish, couldn't tell it was rabbit, other than the occasional tiny rock-hard shards of bone. rabbit is a fairly common and cheap meat around these here parts. the most delicious thing wasn't the rabbit but rather the sichuan paochai fermented peanuts. yuwei ended up treating because she said i treated last time.

afterwards i went with yuwei to the little supermarket. i bought a tube of jasmine-scented toothpaste and some ricola cough drops.

later in the evening i chatted with lihui. he told me he went to go see a doctor earlier today, to get a biopsy of his stomach with a gastroscope. i was pleasantly surprised when FY chatted me out of the blue as well. she said she doesn't like talking about work when she's not working, which is apparently what happened when she has dinner with her boss. suddenly she realized what time it was (a little bit after 10pm) and quickly excused herself to go to bed. lihui did the same thing, like everyone running for cover once the clock strikes 10:00.

it's 12:30 already. i'm still up. maybe they know something i don't?

just 4 more days before the start of the independence day holiday!

Chris Montez - "The More I See You"