everyday feels like the sunday night before a monday morning deadline. how did i ever end up in this profession? the truth is, i'm not very bright. people think i'm smart because i wear glasses and i'm quiet, but i'm really sort of dumb if you get to know me. i think i've gotten by in life because i knew just enough to squeak by. i'm always afraid somebody will call my bluff and realize i'm really quite simple. the coding schedule might extend into the weekend, which isn't anything new, since i've sacrificed the past few weekends to work. i like being in the office though, especially the climate control, but i work better, away from distractions (although anything can distract me). it can be depressing though, with all this nice weather we've been having, but there's hardly any window in the office, so its easy to forget that summer is quickly going by. as long as i this deadline is hanging over my head, i don't feel like i can fully enjoy life anymore. my mode of transportation doesn't help much either: as much as i like riding the motorcycle, it's a singular pleasure, i hardly see any people, there's no chance for social interaction, it's like i'm either at home or in the office, there's no in-between.

the office ordered out today, from some vietnamese place that wasn't here when i worked in kendall square. i don't know if ordering food is as big a favor as some might think; i personally like to use my lunch time to go out for a walk, to clear my head. i had the grilled chicken vermicelli. maybe it's because i worked in chinatown before and had access to the best asian food in boston, but i found this vietnamese dish to be lacking in flavor. the fish sauce was too watery, the sprouts tasted funny (spoiled?), and there wasn't any mint leaves. i'm such a food snob! i saw brian working on his lunch, a do-it-yourself vietnamese spring roll affair, he even had the big bowl of water to wet the rice skins.

i went outside and sat on the railing a few times throughout the day. staring out into the parking lot, across binney street, watching the traffic go by, a big expanse of blue sky, the summer heat, it was pretty peaceful. todd even came out at one point, we chatted about phoenix, arizona and the SRM office moving to fresh pond come this fall. it was nice, for a few minutes we could pretend there wasn't this enormous amount of work still left to be done prior to deadline. this kind of human interaction, even if it's just a little bit, is all that i ask for. just like plants need sunshine and water to thrive, i think i need a bit of daily social commerce in order to feel like someone i still belong to the world. unemployment can turn you into a hermit if you're not careful.

when i came home i found out my mother was trying to call me the whole day but couldn't reach me because the office is a cellular dead zone, at least for my phone (which doesn't get very good signal to begin with). she was going to come over with dinner but because i called her too late, it'd mean a night of meaningless ramen for me. she reminded me that my aunt will be taking her naturalization oath at faneuil hall tomorrow, but i will unfortunately have to miss it because of work. my sister will be there though, taking some photos. has my aunt really lived in the US for that long? and now she's going to become a citizen, and she'll have an opportunity to vote in the presidential election, and she'll be able to tell all our relatives back in taiwan about it.

i had just enough time to watch an hour of television before going back to work at 8pm. 2 hours later, with some more progress made, my ibook mule swallowed some small balloons filled with code, then i cooked up some of that instant noodle i was mentioning before. when you don't cook you don't produce a lot of trash either. i think that's still last week's rubbish sitting in the garbage can. i just need some more inspiring recipes to work from, that's all, but perhaps also more free time, i'll return to cooking once i survive this deadline on monday. i did throw away some bad bread though. i'm a little too old to be growing a mold garden.