it's cold in my house in the mornings, cold because i turn down the thermostat to 60 degrees before i go to bed at nights. nevertheless, the bathroom, because it's a small space, remains a little bit warmer and i relish going in there first thing in the morning. in what has become my ritual nowadays, i do a little "reading" or maybe i surf the web wirelessly, before brushing my teeth and deciding whether or not to take a shower depending on if i took one the night before. i usually then spend several minutes combing my hair, trying to make it stick up a little less or a little more. i go back to the bedroom and i make the bed, which is something new i've been doing these days, it makes the room neater, it seems like the mature thing to do, and it nice going to sleep when it's all made up. i get dressed, then i take my pills and vitamin, before feeding the fish and running through my inventory of things to bring: watch, wallet, t pass, cellphone, digital camera, bag, and jacket. usually there's no breakfast, but if there is, it'd come after i get dressed.

i saw dan in kendall square. he was getting off for work, and we just happened to see each other through the window of the subway train. we exchanged waves before the subway lurched forward to the next stop.

today at work, a solid 8 hours of coding. it's not physical labor, but by the end of the day i was exhausted, the muscles in my back straining and tightening. i promised i would get one of the projects done for testing but by 6pm there was still some more programming yet to be finished. i feel like the guy who promises a lot but delivers very little, the boy who cried lingo wolf. whenever i see the bosses talking privately, i can't help but to think they're talking about me and that i'm going to be fired. having survived two layoffs, i think i've sustained some kind of post traumatic disorder, i'm very skittish when it comes to subtle "termination" signs, real or imaginary. job security is a myth, but i just try to do the best i can and hopefully that's good enough. i really could go either way, having survived without a permanent job for over a year, i'm no stranger to unemployment, yet at the same time i still remember all the anxieties i had when i didn't have a job, and it's definitely better with an occupation than without.

for lunch, a rueben sandwich from one of the delis on south street as well as some jasmine green tea i had in the fridge. i was also able to run some errands, all over the phone. first i called tufts medical and asked if my eye exam appointment for next week is covered under my health insurance plan (which is it). next, i made an appointment with my old dentist doctor huang. his secretary recognized my name immediately, "it's been a long time! where have you been?" she asked. "oh, i've been around," i told her, saving my stories about my 3 year dental hygiene hiatus for when i see them next week as well. the last thing i wanted to do was to cancel my sharpweb.com account, but their toll free service number had been suspiciously disconnected. i called fleet bank to see if i can get a stop order on any future transactions from them (they automatically deduct $15/month from my debit card), but i was told that only works with checks, and i would have to cancel my credit card and get a new one, which is something i might do tomorrow, sharpweb.com seems awfully shady, and i'm kind of uncomfortable with the fact that they have my credit card number to use however they want at their discretion.

coming home, i found alex parked outside my house in his car, asleep, like some kind of narcoleptic stalker. i called his cellphone to wake him up. he ordered a serving of peking raviolis which he shared with me, and i gave him a slice of lasagna leftover. julie came over briefly to pick up a copy of office x in an attempt to resurrect her dying entourage email application (this, after telling me how great entourage is a few weeks ago). my roommate came back as well, a single "hi" then straight into his bedroom, before he left again without saying a word, only to come back later in the evening. a fight with his girlfriend? an important paper or test due this week? it's strictly don't ask don't tell around here. alex stayed until after john stewart, since he no longer has working television reception let alone cable, and misses his old shows. how a person can survive that long (a few months) without cable is beyond me.