i know nothing's going to happen when i turn 30 (other than getting older), but i feel nervous. turning 30 is such a hyped up event, there's all this expectation, and i think i will be very disappointed, so i try not to think about it. other people might have a party when they turn 30, but for me, this day will come and go like any other day.
what does it feel like being 30? i've been thinking about that question the past few days, the more so as the fateful day approaches. i think when you're 30+, you're officially old. you might look young, but you're old, and not even try to pass yourself off as somebody who's young. being 30, i definitely feel more mature, like i'm an adult. if there's a group of people and they need somebody to take charge, i will do it even though i don't want to because i feel like that's something a mature person would do, that's what being 30 is all about.
i can't believe i've lived 3 decades now. the first decade, give and take a few years, was just about picking up basic skills, like reading and counting. my second decade, my teenage years, was more learning, slightly more complicated topics. probably in those years most of my personality was formed. in my 3rd decade, it was a different kind of learning, living in the real world, and most of that for me was very sheltered since i lived at home for a long time, so my concept of the real world includes home cooked meals and mysteriously cleaned and folded laundry. the past year or two have been more interesting, but i get the feeling that i've started the independent portion of my life a little bit too late, and that in this coming decade, there's going to be more self-discovery.
i'm totally ranting, i know. like how you get all conversational with the nurse right before she takes your blood.
if there's one good thing i can say, it's that i don't look 30. i definitely feel 30 though. it arrived pretty quickly, but i definitely feel the weight of 3 decades worth of life. fortunately my body hasn't caught up yet, other than my high blood pressure and now a "moderately elevated" cholesterol, but i probably had those for years already (the silent killer of hypertension, yes, the cholesterol thing, that's a new one). my hands give me away though. it may just be because it's winter and they're dry enough to ignite if i rub them together really fast, but they feel like old man's hands.
today, my last day as a "young" man of twentysomething years of age, i came to the office early for an informal client meeting to show them the jellyfish game. i got to work before 9am, and hour earlier than usual. the train was crowded, something i'm not used to when i usually go to work around 9:30am. later, i went out for a run with kristine and alex, the first time this year probably that the three of us have gone out for a run together. we passed by the state house and there was a heavy police presence as pro-gay marriage and anti-gay marriage demonstrators were outside picketing. i wanted to run around the charles river, but both kristine and alex hesitated and we ended up doing 1.5 loops around boston common. when i came back, i decided to treat myself and got some smelly tofu for lunch. after i came home, i had a klondike bar, then watched an episode of enterprise, but making some pre-birthday ramen. i finished it off with one of the flans i made from sunday.
10:30pm already, i'm just lying here on the couch with the television off, the ibook resting on my lap, enjoying the silence, the final moments of my twenties.
i remember talking with my friend amy last year, she said she had this list of things to do before her 30th birthday, next month. she was really stressed out about the prospect of turning 30. it probably affects women differently than it does for men, that whole biological clock issue. i made my own list too, more like a joke, and it was things i wanted to do before i die (somehow she equated turning 30 with dying). one of them was to take a ride in either a hot air balloon or a blimp.
turning 30 means i'm in that thirtysomething social bracket. what do people in that age group do anyway? have win parties, worry about their mortgages, get married, have kids? everything i associate with being an adult i see people in their 30's doing. this is adult land, leave the children passes at home, they're not redeemable anymore.
are there any good things about turning 30? i'm probably too old to be drafted, if the current administration plunges the country into a world war. maybe some of the younger folks will come to me for advice, now that i'm at that age where i've acquired some wisdom to share. at least 30's isn't the 40's nor the 50's. compared to those years, it's still young.
on a more personal note, i enter age 30 with some advantages of my own. i have a house for one thing, not many people my age (single that is) can claim that distinction. i still have all my hair and no signs of male pattern balding yet. i have a job (you asked me a year ago, and i probably couldn't tell you if i'd be employed when i turn the big 3-0 or not). i'm in relative good health and i exercise somewhat. i could work on my diet but it's sure to improve the more cooking skills i learn. both my parents are still alive, and my family is relatively health and well-adjusted as well. the last three years of my twentysomething has been meticulously documented through my weblog, so that three years worth of history is preserved forever. i think i'm in a pretty good place. the only thing i could possibility want is maybe to be in love, as everyone around me seems to be pairing up, and i become that lonely friend who only gets asked out to do something when the wife is out of town.
yeah, so not too many complaints. if you asked me, say, 10 years ago, what my life at age 30 would be like, i probably couldn't guess it'd be like this, but looking back at my life with some hindsight, and thing about the possibilities in my future, it's not too bad.