i had a restless night sleeping, never really did fall asleep, kind of just tossed and turned, halk awake, half dreaming, waking up with broken fragments of disturbing images swimming around in my head (e.g. nznaqn enjfba topless in natacha merritt inspired arm length gloves). maybe it was all the caffeinated pepsi's i drank yesterday, or maybe i'm coming down with something viral, the subconscious theatre of the night the status window of some homeostatic self-diagnostic program.
i borrowed the car this morning (this afternoon), transforming into the post-holiday belated santa claus, delivering presents to cambridge and then later down to jamaica plains to drop off eliza's surprise birthday present. i almost got there without getting lost, but lost i got, although not too long before i finally found her place. the difficulty of finding places is all relative. i'm sure people have said it's hard to find my house, but since i live here, it's easy for me. i'm also a firm believer that getting lost is helpful because you'll know what not to do next time, it's all a learning experience.
driving back, i noticed that i don't wear my seatbelt anymore. i used to be the most safety oriented driver, always buckling up. now when i'm behind the wheel, i don't bother to put on the seatbelt. i'm not quite sure why this change in personal safety policy, i think i've fostered a certain recklessness within the past months. thankfully, i don't drive very often (the fact that i don't have a car is of course a slight hindrance).
i had a late lunch at the cafe, then got a ride back to my place. after responding to a few e-mails and taking a hot shower, i watched some television in the guest bedroom until i got sleepy and then took an early evening nap. once again, i had a hard time falling asleep, and my mind was once more bombarded with short, disturbing dreams. i remember a scene where these gang members came to my house to check things out (i left my front door open), and i was kind of nervous they might steal something, but then they all left, before i realized, "what the hell are they doing here anyway?" dreams like that. all my anxieties, all my fears, manifesting themselves into little subconscious episodes of senseless programming.
i woke up before 8pm and made myself some leftovers. i ate the rest of my turkey buddha's delight, with a side dish of heavily fermented kim chee (do you remember when i made it? well, i still have a bottle). eliza called to give me her first day of work progress report (not entirely true, it was her third day actually), and joel gave me some news as well.
i want a starchair! plus, "it only costs US$3,950," although GIANT PAIR OF BINOCULARS not included.
now if apple's really going to come out with a "chameleonic" mac - a computer that can change the color of its enclosure - i just might fall back in love.