another busy day, and this relentless schedule doesn't seem to be letting up anytime soon. being the programmer, i should be use to getting shit upon by now. i asked for permission this morning to skip the two hour extended weekly company meeting (bonus quarterly finance coverage), so i could get started on debugging. thank god i had the foresight to do that, otherwise i'd be in the office 2-3 hours later than whatever time i got out tonight. to be honest, i really wasn't interested in attending the meeting, and luckily i had a legitimate excuse to get out of it. i rather just ask somebody afterwards for the abbreviated edition. like yesterday, i was so busy i almost didn't eat again today. at 3pm i quickly ran out to grab some food from the trucks before they closed. i tried to get some pizza but they were all out, just had leftover meatballs to make me a $3.50 sub plus soft drink. i camped out by my favorite hiding area around biogen, not to eat, but to make a phone call to my mortgage advisor to ask some questions. my double life. i came back to the office but found sticky notes on my monitor alerting me to the fact that i had more bugs to fix. i need a vacation. the funny thing is i don't think they (the company
) will let me, with the project ending in just a few more weeks. to make myself feel better during the day i daydream about quitting. this job is driving me nuts. thankless, ceaseless, incentiveless work. while everyone else gets to go out drinking and have fun and have a life, i'm stuck in the office burning cd's, fixing bugs. while everyone else at least know that they can relax during the weekend, my weekends are assumed to be just an extension of my work week. you think the older you got, the easier your job would be. not me. my jobs have grown increasingly difficult, and i think right now this is the breaking point. i use to like my job. that seems like a million light years ago, the speck of happy memory taking a lifetime to arrive. and please, coworkers
, if you're reading this, please
don't come by and try to talk to me about it. don't use this weblog as some sort of barometer of how i'm feeling. if you haven't noticed i've been feeling pretty shitty lately, then i must be doing a pretty good job hiding it. finally at 5pm today i ate my breakfast/lunch, this cold, nasty, grey-colored globs of meatballs in some forgettable bread.
anyway, hmmm, this weblog is getting kind of bleak, huh? what did i do after work? i went out running for the first time in a long time at 7pm. it seems like weeks since i last ran. i figured a good run might do me some good, but i ended up having major cramps, having not eaten well and didn't hydrate myself properly during the day. i walked across the mass ave bridge and part ways down storrow drive. my attempt to make myself feel better actually made me feel worse. when i got back to the office even more tired than when i left it, i sat with a glass of iced water just spacing out, enjoying the quiet time. when you use your brain for 10 hours straight, the most relaxing thing in the world is to just not think. i am very good at that now. my mind totally shuts down when i'm not working. try talking to me. you'll notice i am unable to form coherent sentences (and actually, when i'm working, i'm unable to form coherent sentences as well, because i'm too busy thinking about other stuff).
on the bus home to belmont i bumped into sam, the second time today. we bumped into each other when i left the office to go running earlier tonight. we proceeded to have a condensed 15 minutes worth of meaningful dialogue. i think we did pretty well. i talked about what kind of day i was having, he talked a bit more about his london trip, we discussed digital cameras, etc.
celtics beat the pistons, series tied 1-1, celtics have the homecourt advantage again, now a best out of 5 series. i'm feeling better already!