it's hard for me to take the rock seriously. for me, he's just some beefy dude who wears a little black underwear and beats up equally beef dudes in different colored underwears for the sake of lowbrow entertainment. not that i don't like the rock. as far as wrestlers turned actors go (hulk hogan, jesse ventura, tonya harding), the rock's got enough charisma to carry him through a few more movies. he doesn't have the seriousness or lethality of a vin diesel, but i like the rock nevertheless. i just like saying, "the rock." it's just so silly but somehow it works for him, so bravo. people are going to naturally compare the rock with that other great muscular action movie favorite, arnold schwarzenegger aka conan the barbarian. i personally like arnold more. his performances as conan were more authentic (yeah, i meet a lot of barbarians in my line of work). he's totally serious about the role. the rock as the scorpion king on the otherhand, it's different. the rock seems to realize the laughable nature of the film, and he's sort of laughing about it with the audience everytime he gives his signature smirk. i think that's what makes the movie work, that the rock is in on the joke. while everyone else plays up their character perfectly serious, the rock seems to be having a good time, he knows he's the hero, he knows he's going to get the girl in the end, and so does the audience.
okay, enough about the rock, what about the real star of the movie, kelly hu, as the sorceress cassandra? girlfriend is looking fine in this movie, wearing the requisite revealing fantasy outfit made out of chainmail material or that thrown together robe that's loosely tied so that everytime she moves people are breathlessly captivated as to how she can keep herself from falling out of her outfit (because it's a pg-13 movie, the audience never really sees anything, but it's still titillating nevertheless). oh, and who can forget the bathing scene where she's wearing nothing more than strategically placed hair? my only wish is that maybe her role could've been more kickass. in this age of dark angels and buffys and rachel weisz (mummy returns) and jennifer garner (alias), i just would've liked to see kelly dispense some serious ass kicking to some unfortunate baddies. true, her role in the film is that of captive bride-to-be of the warlord memnon, and it'd change the storyline if she was all tough and skillful in fighting (because then she could escape). oh, and kelly hu looks nothing like the woman portrayed in those movie posters!
and what is it about those virgins? cassandra can only forecast the future if she remains a virgin (you can probably guess what happens towards the end of the movie, especially in a movie starring the rock). despite the fact that she's never been with a man before, she seemed pretty proficient (that was some sweet hot fade to black action!) when it came time to losing her powers. i suppose with a body and a wardrobe like that, you can't really lead a chaste life, the details of which i will leave to the reader's fetid imagination.
my favorite line from the movie: "we've killed mesopotamians!"
so is the scorpion king worth seeing? well, it's a fun movie. it asks a lot in the suspend your disbelief department, but if you can overcome that, it's a pretty entertaining film. if you're a fan of the rock or kelly hu (or both), that's further incentive. it's not the best film out there, it doesn't deliver any social messages (other than, "don't mess with the rock!"), but if you're looking for some mindless entertainment that will make you groan and laugh over the cheesy dialogue and situations, you're in pretty safe hands.