my old company laid off some more people today, the fourth layoff counting the one that i got cut from back in november 2000 (though technically my involuntary departure was termed a "dismissal" rather than an official layoff), as friends trinkle out into the growing pool of unemployed dot-commers. i feel awful. with each layoff news that i hear of, i relive the day that i was let go myself, and i don't wish that on anyone i know and care about. i think people were surprised yet at the same time they weren't. it's always surprising to suddenly finding yourself on the have-not end of the job market, yet at the same time, with this being the 4th layoff, it shouldn't have come as a shock to anyone. my dream is that one day we will all be reunited somewhere else, a better company, a stronger company, and those golden days of office fun will once again return. but there is fantasy and there is reality. times like this, i take solace in those old cliches, sayings like friends and business don't mix, or nothing lasts forever. there's a hundred of these, short and to the point, and you can repeat them over and over again to yourself as you fall asleep crying, not knowing what the future will bring. some people have told me that i was lucky to have been "dismissed" when i did, before the economy started taking a nosedive, before the job market started to dry up. over a year later, i am not angry or vindictive of anything that has happened to me. i have a relatively good and (more importantly) steady job, working with people that i genuinely like and admire, not just as coworkers, but also as individuals. if i can never regain the comraderie i lost when i left my old company, my new coworker friends are a pretty good substitute (although nothing can replace the years of history i've had with the people from my old job). so i've been lucky. and it makes me feel guilty. why should i be deserving of a job, when i see so many people who are equally qualified, or perhaps need it more than i do? i hope the day when we can all look back on this and laugh will arrive here soon. i grow impatient as i watch my out-of-work friends each suffering in their own way. i can only do so much, put in a good recommendation, maybe float a few resumes to the top of the pile, but in the end, each person has to go through this journey himself/herself. the only good thing i can say is now with so many other people out of work, there's finally a support network of friends who can give you "been there" advice or just a shoulder to cry on. in a way i feel like a layoff pioneer, because when i got sacked, there was none of that. we early recipients of the initial adjustments of a reversing economy sort of had to make our own rules. you can't imagine how hard it was knowing that all my friends were working, a lot of them working at the same company that let me go. now, it's the exact opposite. people with jobs seem like the attractions in some freak show. these are interesting times we live in. a little too interesting if you ask me. what i'd give for some mundane. what i'd give for all my friends to have jobs again!

a day that came and went, that's how i'd describe today, at least for me that is. today was martin luther king jr's day, which of course meant i had to go to work instead of being at home celebrating the message of civil rights. the buses were on a saturday schedule, but i didn't really notice any delay in the services, and i managed to get to work late but on time (for the meeting that is). i didn't participate in the free work lunch program and opted to go out on my own, braving the elements, to grab a greasy steak and cheese sub from kendall's house of pizza. when i left work to go home later that night, i went downstairs and gave all the ladies (plus rob) a pick of one of the buddhas i had purchased down in new york city chinatown. what was i going to do with those buddhas anyway? besides, i still had my two sweet glow-in-the-dark buddhas. i'd put eliza through a guilt trip since it was still raining outside and i didn't have an umbrella, but she had found a spare. fortunately the weather was all rained out by the time i decided to go home so i didn't need one anymore.

abc you suck
next sunday no alias. why? the stephen king miniseries rose red is taking that time slot. now i love these stephen king miniseries, but come on! don't bump alias! who the hell is the scheduling genius who figured out that sunday night's lineup? especially now, after jennifer garner has won the people's choice and golden globe awards for best actress, everyone's going to want to turn into abc sunday night at 9pm to watch what they've been missing! well guess what? you're going to have to miss it some more! cause alias no esta aquí! they're going to totally lose the momentum that winning these awards gave the show, and new viewers are going to be turned away, and ratings for alias won't increase, and the show will get canceled, all because of this preempting by rose red! to add insults to injuries, the following week there still isn't any alias. not until february 10th will alias resurface on network television, long after all the excitement for the show has completely died down. and finally on that day will i get to see part 2 of a two part episode featuring quentin tarantino as a renegade spy who infiltrates sd-6.

the weather most foul
it wasn't raining when i left my house, but while i was at work it started to rain. or was it snow? it was nasty, that's all. cold, wet, grey, miserable. as if i needed anymore help to feel even more depressed on a monday. i stood in the upstairs bathroom, stairing out the window, watching it rain. if only it was just a little bit colder, and this precipitation would fall from the sky not as rain or even sleet, but glorious beautiful snow. see how a simple change in the phyiscal state of water can turn it from something hateful to something much beloved?