i am so tense right now. yeah, i'm nervous about the trip. i'm not afraid that the plane will get hijacked. i know the chance of that happening is almost nonexistent. i'm more nervous that there's going to be a bomb scare or a real scare, and it's going to screw up the schedule, and my flight will be delayed, or worse, it might get completely canceled. so that's what i'm afraid of. oh, also losing my luggage. everytime i ride the plane i think they're going to lose my luggage. but know what? i've been traveling by planes for over 2 decades, and i have never had my luggage lost. of course revealing that little tidbit will probably jinx me now! okay, so fear is one of the emotions i'm feeling right now. but my tension has nothing to do with fear. i stayed late at work today finishing up a project that i thought would be done in just a few days but turned out to take the whole week. this week was weird anyway, 5 days of seriousness. so i'm feeling some post-work trauma right now. when i left the office at 8pm, dan, who was still there burning cd's for his project, told me "not to think about work" during my vacation. i laughed. how can i not think about it! i really need a vacation. actually, i probably just need a nice weekend, but two weeks of nothingness, two weeks where i'm not doing work, two weeks of relaxing in a foreign country, it should do me some good. not that i've been in a bad mood (i have been moody though), but i feel like my spirit is clogged up. does that make sense? i'm not spiritual at all, but i feel like something inside is being stifled, suffocated.

so my irises at work are pretty much dead (i threw them away as a matter of fact). i think there's this regal beauty in a shriveled iris flower. it reminds me of aging, how we're beautiful when we're young and fresh, but as we age, we lose our good looks, we get shriveled, yet if you look hard enough, you can see the original beauty in anything that's tarnished and old. these dead iris flowers have actually taught me a valuable life lesson.

during lunch i went to fitcorp to freeze my membership for the 2 weeks that i'll be on vacation. it was complicated, the girl was throwing all these numbers at me. i'm definitely canceling my gym membership. i've only gone a dozen time in the almost 3 months i've been a member. i just don't have the time. not that i don't exercise, i do some running (although my noontime runs seem to be in jeopardy as the bosses are cracking down on office inefficiency aka slacking). i have to cancel my membership as soon as i come back from vacation otherwise they'll charge me $69 for the month of november. gyms are such a scam. when i get my own place, i'll have a little area where i can do some free weight work and that'll be it for strength training. you don't need nautilus machines and cardio workout you can do by running or biking.

when i got home my parents helped me pack up my luggage. i'm bringing two suitcases with me to istanbul, a smaller case fitted inside a larger case. when i come back i will have two cases, the larger one being able to carry some of the souvenirs i intend to buy while i'm in turkey. i'm planning on getting a small rug if i can and roll it up and stuff it into the larger suitcase. my father also wants me to investigate any sort of interesting teapots, since my parents own a cafe.

tomorrow morning: visit the camera store to buy a small tripod and a lensepen, and stop by a bank to cash out some money for my trip.