if it was up to me, i wouldn't have gone to see scary movie 2. i like comedies, but smart comedies, not bathroom humor, which is what i think of this whole scary movie franchise. nevertheless, i did laugh (a lot, although not without some guilt), and i was entertained, and that's all i ask of my movies*. i did notice something very disturbing in the theatre though -- half of the audience were little boys, early teens, definitely not old enough to see an R rated movie, and probably some of them not even old enough to see a PG-13 rated one either. most of them were there unsupervised too with no adult chaperone (i only saw one group of boys who were accompanied by two adults, but I question what kind of values those parents are teaching these kids by bringing them to this particular movie). some of those boys might've just snuck into the theatre, since security there is pretty lax on weekend matinees. i wanted to narc on them so badly, but for a some what selfish reason: i could care less if the movie would somehow corrupt them, i just wanted them gone because it felt kind of awkward watching a movie intended for adults with a bunch of little kids all around.

so some thoughts:

  • this is the first movie i've seen that features the cinematic blitzkreig of andy richter, the late conan o'brien sidekick. how's that film career going for you, andy? i personally have a rather low opinion of andy richter. i think he can only play one character, and that character is that of andy richter. maybe he'll prove me wrong when i see more of his movies. until that day though, andy david caruso richter, you should've stayed with conan!
  • kathleen robertson! if you've seen the movie, you know who i'm talking about. she sort of takes the place of carmen elecktra as the stereotypical chesty girl in standard horror movie formula. up to now, i've only seen her in a few gregg araki movies, but i (and many other male viewers who went and saw scary movie 2) hope to see more of her acting in future films.
  • chris elliott and david cross. we're talking yuck yuck all stars! you can't go wrong with these guys. chris elliott plays a gross butler with a deformed vestigial hand. david cross is a wheelchaired teaching assistant who's ultra-sensitive about people helping him out because of his handicap. can you sense what sort of humorous hijinks can ensue through this blessed union?
this is a stupid movie. is it funny? yes. it doesn't have any redeeming values other than the fact that it's funny. am i embarassed that i saw this movie? absolutely. this is the kind of movie that i usually snub my nose at and rudicule the people who would pay money to go see it. but like i said, i was entertained, and that's the bottom line.

* what do i ask of my movies? it also doesn't hurt to sprinkle some sweet cgi into the mix nor is it a mistake to add some hotties to the cast.

disclaimer: read my movie reviews only if you've already seen the movie, have no intention of seeing the movie, or don't care about potential spoilers! cause like a rich sugar daddy, i will spoil you!

if you like action movies, then kiss of the dragon won't disappoint. when you hear the name jet li, you know there's going to be some sweet asskicking. just don't read too much into the plot, because the storyline isn't airtight. it's one of those movies where the bad guy -- who's a rogue cop (boo hiss!) -- can shoot a bunch of pedestrians yet doesn't get in trouble for it. aren't there witnesses? how's he going to cover up the fact that properties have been destroyed and innocent lives endangered and taken? sigh. suspend your disbelief! if you can do that, this is a pretty good movie.

  • how did bridget fonda get cast in this movie? now i have no problems with her, but she seems out of place. i see her more as a dramatic actress, not an action actress. her scenes with jet li seem rather awkward. she does most of the talking, he sort of reacts in a few short words (however, what he lacks in words he makes up for in dispensing righteous kung fu discipline). in this movie, she has the damsel in distress role (or is that the hooker with the heart of gold role?), so she doesn't do any fighting (although she is the recipient of several wincing smackdowns). i guess her fix from making that horrible la femme nikita remake started to wear off, so she found herself itching to do another action movie (lake placid doesn't count as action).
  • this movie features one of the strangest henchmen duo i've seen in a long time. these two guys, bad asses with (bleached?) blonde crewcuts, they look exactly alike except one's short and the other's tall. from the ending credit we're able to determine that it is indeed two different people (not just a cgi shrunken down double) and that they're related in real life. obviously, brothers. but could they be twins? the similarity between the two is too striking. but can that happen with twins? identical twins, just different in height?
  • my favorite nonfighting scene in the movie is when that prostitute/assassin does an ultrasexualized striptease for that chinese drug lord. the music that plays in the background is pretty rocking too. i want to use it as my intro music whenever i enter a room from now on. anyway, this woman is super-energetic, straddling the glass coffee table, clearing the top, and dusting the surface with her drugs so she can snort it off. oh, how 80's! ah, parisian prostitutes! they're so nasty! but in a good way.
  • favorite fighting scene? got to be when jet li accidently wanders into the police department judo classroom on his way to rescue bridget fonda's little girl from the clutches of the rogue police inspector. did you get all that? just know that it's one of those 1 good guy against 100 bad guys fight scenes. oh, jet li! (fainting)
  • i love jet li so much, so it kind of pains me to say that hey is it just me or does he have an effeminate voice? i think it's because of the english. in his chinese movies i think he voice is fine. just in his recent american produced action films, where he gets to practice his english on the big screen, does his voice come off as a little weak. at the end of the day though, he still kicks ass, so does it matter what he sounds like?
  • more on jet li: when i first saw the haircut he had in this movie, i was shaking my head. come on! maybe spike it up a little bit, maybe give him some sideburns, just do something! but looking at it now, i'm glad they went with the haircut that they did. it sort of shows that he's a no-nonsense chinese cop who doesn't have time for the ladies (i'm thinking back to a scene where bridget fonda's hooker character asks jet li if he has a GF back in beijing) and certainly doesn't have time to style his hair! and thank god i don't have to see yet another asian male in yet another asian fade haircut.
so where does kiss of the dragon fall on this summer's action movie list? not having seen all of this summer's action movies, i'm willing to say that this movie definitely has the most physical action. my adrenaline starts pumping and my palms begin to sweat whenever it's time for jet li to dispense some sweet chinese style woop-ass. i don't know if it's fair to compare kiss of the dragon with the fast and the furious, another very action oriented movie. the fast and the furious action is more machine action, not physical my body is machine -- killing machine action. some of the plot holes may leave a sour taste in your mouth, but if you need action in your summer movie diet, kiss of the dragon makes a fine meal.

i did two things today i don't normally do on a saturday: wake up before noon and went out running. again. same route, the temperature was about 20 degrees cooler than my last run which meant i wouldn't have to worry about heat strokes, but i did feel more tired today for some unknown reason. approaching belmont center i started to get chest pains but i ran through it and after a while they disappeared. i noticed something today though: while passing a few other runners, they all waved to me. could there be this unspoken running comradery, like there is amongst bikers? of course having a menacing 300 lbs. biker on a harley waving to me is quite different than having an innocuous middle aged woman in jogging shoes waving to me. also, on the charles, none of the runners wave because there are just too many (or maybe it's all part of the i'm secretly checking you out foreplay that has become running on the charles).

i got smart today: i stopped a block before getting to my house and then walked the rest of the way home to cool off, instead of just coming to a dead stop. i didn't feel like ass after i was done running (well, maybe a little bit of ass, but not the kind of assy feeling of wednesday's runtastic excursion).

i showered and watched some tv before getting dressed and riding my bike to the fresh pond cinema, where i was meeting alex wong for a double dose of matinee movie watching.